Miracle Salves For The Sunday Driver (Part 1) - Hyundai Azera

We put six high-fiber four-doors on the Road to Wellville.

Some people will undoubtedly argue that living to an advanced age means signing up for a slow agony if you must become a vegan or endure routine yogurt enemas to do it. Dr. John Harvey Kellogg famously disagreed. The co-inventor of Corn Flakes and a health nut a hundred years before Whole Foods sold its first kumquat, Kellogg made it to 91 preaching a steadfast diet of nuts and twigs and a watery lifestyle of sitz baths and regular colon cleansing. Victorian-era visitors to the good doctor’s enormous sanitarium in Battle Creek, Michigan, were presented with his lengthy list of items to avoid, including meat, seafood, eggs, milk, coffee, tea, mustard, vinegar, pepper, chocolate, tobacco, alcohol, iced drinks, “complicated meals”, stress, worry, and heavy clothing.

Where Toyota goes, Hyundai chases

We might be inclined to add any near-$40,000 sedan that brings the heart rate down to a virtual standstill. That simply can’t be healthy.  And yet such vehicles as the Toyota Avalon have been doing it for years. They persist for a generally older segment of buyers wanting big-car coddling in a plain brown wrapper, without all the pretension and assumed up-charging associated with a luxury nameplate.

Economics and two market oddities make our six-car test a surprisingly large one. The concertmaster is the Avalon, a sort of super Camry created to bridge the gap between Toyota and Lexus.  Back in 1995, it proved that a front-drive mainstream mid-sizer could be pulled out, frosted with some chrome, and priced higher to yield more lucre. The Avalon is the fourth generation, it’s all-new, and, for the first time, it’s somewhat athletically shaped.

Where Toyota goes, Hyundai chases. The front-drive Azera is basically a ballooned Sonata, except that the new Azera has a 3.3-liter V-6 while Sonatas offer only four-cylinder engines. And where Hyundai goes, its sibling rival Kia inexorably follows. Kia’s own version of the Azera is the 2014 Cadenza, bearing entirely separate sheet metal and interior treatments but with the same basic equipment and métier.

The home team is represented in part by the Chevrolet Impala, which qualifies for big-car status now that it rides on GM’s stretched Epsilon platform along with the Buick LaCrosse and Cadillac XTS. The two oddities here are also from Detroit. The Chrysler 300S and Dodge Charger SXT are both rear-drive, and neither one is derived from a smaller model.

In fact, present-day Chrysler has no credible seat at the mid-size-sedan feast, having left a hole between the Dodge Avenger and the Dodge Charger (and between the Chrysler 200 and 300) big enough to drive a quarter-million Honda Accords through. While Chrysler is attending to that problem, it is trying to squeeze the last drops of market mileage from the Charger and 300 by adding a new eight-speed automatic to the 3.6-liter V-6 spec sheet that promises better fuel economy. Conspicuous by its absence is the face-lifted Ford Taurus, mainly because the folks in Dearborn couldn’t find us one with a V-6 to test.

Do any of these relaxed-fit and middle-brow cars put us on the road to Wellville? We hit the trail to Battle Creek in search of an answer and an unforgettable yogurt enema.

6.    Hyundai Azera

The car is a looker, with just enough muscular curve and exterior jewelry to stand apart in the commuting parade

Neighbors will notice when you drive home an Azera. As with a number of recent Hyundais, the car is a looker, with just enough muscular curve and exterior jewelry to stand apart in the commuting parade. Open the door and take a seat; the car’s design team has been eagerly awaiting this moment. Are you not impressed? We were. The dash looks like it has been upholstered with genuine robot skin, zooming you to the future with majestic sweeps of pseudo-metal and faux carbon fiber.

It’s clear that your $37,290, including $4000 for an extensive Technology package that lists a sunroof, buys a lot of features. The seat controls, mounted Mercedes-style on the doors, include a lower cushion extender for better thigh support. There are buttons to heat the leather-wrapped steering wheel, raise a sunshade over the rear glass, and fold in the mirrors (all of these are also in the Kia). It’s a layout that doesn’t assume you’re six feet tall, either. The dashtop is low, and the gauges and steering column point up from below, so outward visibility is excellent and a strong sense of command develops.

The seat controls, mounted Mercedes-style on the doors, include a lower cushion extender for better thigh support

Nobody can accuse Hyundai of ignoring details, though we might have asked for a spin-tuning knob for the stereo, which would make leaping from satellite station 2 to station 122 much easier. The Azera’s seats are European-firm, supportive, and well-shaped for long drives. Also, there’s no skimping on room in back, where passengers sink deeply into shaped bench pockets, and scallops carved into the headliner add precious headroom inches.

Everything about the Azera says “Yes!” That is, until you move the gear selector to “D.” It isn’t the fault of the engine and transmission, which work as close partners to create smooth, eager thrust. What lets down the Azera is its steering. Tuned too heavy, it feels leaden at low speeds, always jerking back to center with a peevish snap. And not enough body structure is asked to absorb the shock waves generated by too much damping resistance. The result is a continuous crash and reverb over the minutest of bumps. Call for the brakes, and the answer is weak.

Hyundais have been improving, but we have to keep saying this: The company can’t be taken seriously by our crowd until it fixes its driving experience.