Amarok Double Cab - A Mid-Size Pickup Truck

I hate to diss my colleagues on TG, but elsewhere in this issue they conduct a semi-scientific ‘chicken run’ with two large SUV s and a rather unfortunate GTI, and they come to all the wrong conclusions.

See, the Amarok, which is arguably a hatch of a special sort (with a flop-down, not flip-up tailgate), actually wins by the proverbial country mile.

The Amarok, which is arguably a hatch of a special sort

I notice that the Porsche and BMW use exactly the same 8spd ZF gearbox which keeps the Amarok’s modest 2.0-litre turbo diesel in the sweet spot, and it also has Sport mode to make the most of its less obvious power outputs. Knock the lever back and it starts hunting for gaps in the traffic.

But contrary to what my colleagues believe, life is not measured in quarter miles, or zero to one hundreds, for that matter. So the X6 M50d’s spurious 5.3 seconds to 100 fails to impress when you con-sider this requires all of 280kW and 740Nm and three (THREE!) turbos force-feeding a 3.0-litre straight six. The Porsche requires a 4.1-litre V8 with 281kW and 850Nm, believe it or not, to push its bulging backside to 100 in 5.7 seconds. With just 132kW and 420Nm the Amarok gets 10.9, and is even faster on a downhill with a following wind.

With just 132kW and 420Nm the Amarok gets 10.9, and is even faster on a downhill with a following wind

I mean, just last week the Amarok punched through the smoke cloud gathered about an Eighties 300D Mercedes, and aced a Mazda 323 held together with hope and chicken wire in a dice to beat the red light at the local four-way stop. All thanks to Sport mode. And then, barreling safely down a corrugated dirt road in the Eastern Cape, without a worry in the world because there’s traction control and an Off-Road button, a cloud of dust ahead turned into an early Fortuner waving its wheels in the air , apparently after taking a sho’t left on a corner. Not quite true; turns out it was simply telling its owner to check the tire pressure.

But I digress, because the clincher is just how much chicken goes into the Amarok’ s load bay and how that affects the performance not one iota: a load is more than all the boxes squeezed into every other vehicle on the TG test. Absolutely. What’s more, that load can be carried on any road to almost any destination using no special skills at all, thanks to the always-on 4x4 system. Though we won’t be mentioning any roads north of our borders, and certainly not one in a country with a lake as its namesake.

That load can be carried on any road to almost any destination using no special skills at all, thanks to the always-on 4x4 system

If, say, there is an urgent call from Northern Cape premier Sylvia Lucas to deliver some fast food to the remotest corner of her province, no problem. We’ll get it there before you can say Tower Rounder or extra peri-peri. If the community of Nkandla needs a load of fresh fruit and vegetables for a one-night hosting of health minister Aaron Motsoaledi, well, then, one could do the African thing and load it to the bump-stops, the front pointing upward like a Gripen fighter , and deliver . No problem.

Parking, you say? Look, there’s no such thing as a free lunch, no matter where in the pecking order you are. But never fear, with the Amarok the traffic department has reserved a space especially for you: it’s called a loading zone. Pull in.

The front pointing upward like a Gripen fighter

There’s more. I know I shouldn’t keep on beating the drumstick like this, but the Amarok really is the Business Class of bakkies, and it’ s just what our politicians need. It’s all about trimming down, watching costs. And that’s also why it should win our challenge. The X6 is a vulgar $99,216, the Porsche Cayenne a crushing $87,580. The Amarok, at $43,492, is a parliament-pleasing snip. Leaving plenty to keep Pravin Gordhan and the Colonel smiling.