Got a floundering model in your line up?
No sweat. Just slap the name of a random racing legend on it.
1.
Renault Clio Williams
Yes, yes, it was one of the greatest hot
hatches ever, and did at least add 200cc, 10kW and a wider track to the already
handy 1.8 16v’s CV. But the F1 team’s involvement was limited to Frank’s
secretary faxing a copy of their logo to Renault’s contact at Postnet.
Renault
Clio Williams
2.
Proton Satria Neo R3 Lotus Racing
Lotus Engineering may have sent through
suspension settings for the R3’s lowered ride, but little else. Not enough to
have your heritage sullied by a Lotus Racing liveried lukewarm hatch sporting a
green dashboard, green leather seats and a 0-100kph time of 9.2 seconds. At least
Proton only built 25 units.
Satria
Neo R3 Lotus Racing
3.
Mercedes A-Class Häkkinen Edition
At least Renault’s Clio and Megane F1
models were based on already credible performance cars. Not so this carbuncle.
And given the A’s disastrous showing in the famous elk test, you’d think the
Scando F1 champ would have flat refused to get involved. Contracts, Mika: next
time read the small print.
Mercedes
A-Class Häkkinen Edition
4.
Infiniti Fx Sebastian Vettel
Struggling to see the link between Infiniti’s
sponsorship of F1 and its B team executive cars? So is Infiniti, which is why
it ‘worked together’ with Vettel to create his ideal FX50, whose spec included
a 22kW power boost, bumping the topspeedto299kph and presumably a bulging brown
envelope of cash in the glove box.
The Infiniti
FX Sebastian Vettel
5.
Fiat Stilo Schumacher
Tarted up version of lousy Stilo hatch was
built to commemorate Michael’s five titles for Ferrari. Schumi’s involvement?
Zero, although strangely, group tests the Stilo repeatedly tried to ram the
Civic Type R into concrete walls before blocking the road so it could be
declared winner.
Fiat
Stilo Schumacher
6.
Honda Civic Jordan
Piggy-backing on the Honda Jordan F1 team’s
modest success, Honda painted 500 VTi Civics canary yellow, spilt a load more
on the seats and screwed a signed Eddie Jordan plaque to the dash. And that was
it: no engine tweaks, no suspension upgrades, not even a shag-pile roof
appliqué.
Honda
Civic Jordan
7.
Citroen C4 by Loeb
You’d need to be suffering frontal Loeb
damage to believe Citroën’s nine-World championship-winning rally ace had laid
a finger on this thing. Getting Seb to stand well in the background of this
photograph was as close as they could get him.
Citroen
C4 by Loeb
8.
Rover 200 BRM
Bizarre taste-meltdown hot hatch based
attempt to milk memories of the mid-’60s Rover BRM gas turbine racer. Started
life as a rapid 200vi before gaining a limited slip diff, uprated suspension,
absurd tart’s-handbag quilted red leather interior and that ‘distinctive’ ‘F1-inspired’
green paint and orange nose cone.
Rover
200 BRM
9.
Porsche 924 Sebring ’79
Named after the Floridian circuit in
recognition of Porsche’s victory in the World championship for makes, this
US-market runt of the Weissach litter had plenty of luxury kit, but buyers
could even mate an arthritic three-speed auto to its emissions-strangled 82kW
VW motor. Less Moby Dick, more Finding Nemo.
Porsche
924 Sebring ’79
10.
FIAT Seicento Schumacher
Without doubt Fiat’s worst car of the
period, the 2001 model year Seicento Sporting spawned this ‘Michael Schumacher’
edition. You’d imagine handling tweaks and a power boost at least, right? Nah,
just Michael’s signature dotted here and there. Probably not the commemorative
reward that Schumi had in mind after bringing the Fiat Group’s jewel, Ferrari,
its first Formula 1 Drivers’ title in 21 years.
Fiat
Seicento Schumacher
